SK Johnson writes: Rita Dominic And The Case Of The Mesmerizing Slit (Hilarious!)


Once upon a time, in a land far, far away (well it’s more likely a designer’s showroom or website or tailor’s shop, but just work with me here) there was a slit. Now slits are born every day, of course, but not all slits are equal. There are tiny slits which go as unnoticed as green snakes in grass.

There are nice, pretty little slits which we acknowledge and like a calm breeze on a sunny day. And then there are other slits which go on to shake the world and shake the very foundations upon which all our ideals were built. Such was the case of this slit, ordained from birth to do great things indeed. This slit set out to compete with some of the most legendary in the world, like J.Lo’s infamous green Versace dress;


and Angelina Jolie’s Oscar showstopper;


This ambitious slit, content not to sit in a closet somewhere, made its way out into the world, as part of the ensemble of one Rita Dominic, known more in these parts for acting (not that this slit cared, of course. It just wanted to be out there, regardless of on whose legs it would have to make that happen) at a special reception hosted for honorees of The Future Awards Africa Prize.

There were many other celebrities at the event, and many slits too, however none of them had the slightest fighting chance of competing with a slit as ferocious as this one.

Rita Dominic stepped on the red carpet, beautiful as ever; but none of that mattered. She could have worn a bag over her face and people wouldn’t have noticed for their attention was so drawn by the fearsome power of the slit on her dress.

Stares were drawn, furious whispers were inspired. Rita and the slit couldn’t have cared less. And when the time came to pose for the cameras, the slit, content not to just sit there, took over Rita’s hands. Many noticed her hand, apparently trying to draw the slit aside a little, and show it off more.


What was she doing, people wondered? They couldn’t tell. Rita herself probably couldn’t either; completely possessed by the magical powers of the slit. Arguments were inspired across the land. The slit is too long! Her legs are toned! No they aren’t! What’s your own business anyway?

But Rita didn’t care – not that the slit would have allowed her anyway – and neither did the slit.


What happened after? Well, no one knows for sure. Rumour has it the slit is somewhere in Rita’s closet now, but others say this cannot possibly be true. They find it hard to believe that a slit like this one would be content to lie in wait, inactive, when there are lots of other celebrity legs, on which to show itself. It could be today, it could be tomorrow, it could be next year; nobody knows for sure, and so we wait, for the next time the legendary slit shall bless us with its presence.

And so the story goes; of beautiful Rita Dominic and her mesmerising dress slit.

via YNaija

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