Grab some popcorn!!! See the Funniest(most annoying) Scenes from Nollywood Movies

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We love watching movies and we appreciate the tremendous growth of Nollywood over the years, we now have a fantastic crop of actors and scores of exceptional movies are being churned out regularly. We quite understand that so much effort is being put into movie productions – getting the right actors to fit the role, logistics and all. However, despite the progress of the industry, certain flaws have continued to remain. These issues keep recurring because little or no attention has been paid to them. Candidly, the Yoruba category of the Nollywood is the major culprit here. And when I say major culprit, in my opinion they effortlessly shoulder 80% of the blame:

(1) Fetishism– This is the biggest snag of the industry. 7 out of 10 of Nigerian movies (especially Yoruba) are laced with fetish or witchcraft scenes. Infact, we are made to understand that visiting a native doctor would solve a problem quicker and better than seeking medical help, or that most sad occurrences have spiritual backup. Portraying all mothers-in-law as witches is another broad topic…but that’s for another day.

(2) Subtitles– Infact, this has over the years proven to be one of the best ways to relax or ease tension. It’s a good thing Queen Elizabeth doesn’t get to read them. These writers need to understand that not all sentences, or proverbs have direct translations. Interprete them literally, and viewers will grasp. For example, someone would say, “Ti n ba kaaro nko” meaning, what’s good about the morning? Or please don’t greet me. Our writers would “upload”, “what if I don’t good morning?” What the hell is that? The ‘highway construction’ we read all the time rips our hearts. Enough oh.

(3) Shooting- Why will blood not gush out of the body of a man who was shot or stabbed repeatedly? I’m not saying it happens in most films, but I have seen such scenes in a few Nollywood movies, this year. Disappointing. What’s up with ‘tasty time’ or any other red liquid?- At least we could pardon a failed attempt.

(4) Car and Passer-by– In most street scenes, there’s always this fine or ugly lady waiting for a cab at the road side. And a young, handsome man who never knows his way around pulls over, asks for direction, zooms off a bit, reverses and offers to give her a lift. She turns down the offer down at first and after much persuasion, she succumbs, then they exchange numbers, the rest is history. Meanwhile, since I started giving out directions, no guy has offered to give me a lift, they just zoom off. Maybe I should try harder (lol).

(5) Running on the street– Has anyone noticed? There’s always a hit and run or hit and wait driver for every child or adult running on the street- running from being beaten, raped, poisoned or killed. Whenever any street scene comes on, I really don’t know what is wrong with my mind oh, but I always expect an accident and trust them, they never disappoint. The process in which the car hits the victim is another magical occurrence. We understand staging such an accident may not be affordable, but running to hug a car bonnet is completely out of it.

(6) Makeup– Oh Jeez! Please permit me to drink a cup of milk before saying this. You should see some yoruba movies, the makeup can have you puking for ages or even tempt you to throw a stool at your TV. Purple lipstick, silver eye shadow and then a straight-lined eye-brow. How far Miss refined masquerade? One last thing, please tell them that most women who lose their husbands and children in one day, don’t apply makeup on their faces, the following day. Well, some do but not all.

(7) Bland sound track- I’m sure you all have something to say on this one, and you’ll agree with me that instrumentals are better played in some movies, than those bland and wacky soundtracks we subject our ears to. Soundtracks that tell the entire story are the most annoying. Please, we are fine with keyboard instrumentation. Those people who sing like strangled cats should be phased out. You shouldn’t be testing your singing skills (which is non-existent, anyway) in movies. Thank God for the likes of Tope Alabi and Co.

(8) Poison– Stop inscribing ‘Poison’ on bottles. We can think. Once you pick a bottle, cry, drink its contents in your mouth and then writhe in pain, we’ve assumed that you’ve poisoned yourself. Empty the contents and leave the rest to us to decipher. Besides, do you see poison written boldly on bottles in chemists? Hiaan!

(9) Annoying romantic/love scenes: Kudos to some movies, they do this well in beaches, eateries etc. However, you will pray never to fall in love after watching some other movies. In some Yoruba movies, if they are not hugging pillow up and down, there’s always this palm tree in the lady/guy’s house, they chase each other round till one of them decides to fall down. Please stop that! Some of their dates are awkward, I was very cross after seeing a movie some time ago. It’s sad I’m not good with titles. The couple visited an eatery, bought ONE pack of ‘Maltina Sip it’ and ONE piece of chicken which they took turns to devour. Na so love dey do you? Taaaa!!

(10) Re-union– Their own method of re-union is hilarious. They run into each other in the eatery or by the roadside, the lady tongue-lashes him and then stops for the guy to look at her well, and then starts going down memory lane. Oh, yes we schooled together, bla bla bla. Well done! If that’s the best way to meet an old school mate, I better get ready to start colliding with as many people as possible.

You would agree that even if I’ve not mentioned all the funny (but annoying) scenes, I’ve said most of them. We are the viewers. We are the people you produce for, we are the ones who storm video clubs or stores for your CDs. We are the ones who buy them. We deserve value for our money. Kudos to some film production outfits (Mainframe, Golden Effects, Royal Arts Academy etc) you can always trust their superb films, but others??…..yawnnnnn.

That’s it for today.
Have a fabulous weekend!
Thanks.

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Olatunji Ololade is a writer, online publicist and a blogger. She tweets from @loladeville_

Via – YNaija

1 Comment so far. Feel free to join this conversation.

  1. Anonymous May 24, 2014 at 4:13 PM - Reply

    lol

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