by Chris Bamidele
Most of us must have seeing some young/old people in a happy relationship and we just wonder why some are so â€˜luckyâ€™ in their relationship and we/others are not. We can see that there is something about the way they interact that makes it obvious they have a unique and genuine connection, and sometimes we just wonder if there is something they know that we or others donâ€™t. Then at some point we might just conclude that they are just destined to be together, and the chemistry between them is stronger because they are soul-mates and they are compatible in everything by default. But it turns out that would be a wrong conclusion, people in great relationships donâ€™t just connect by default or because they are destined to. They live by a few basic rules and they make these rules top priorities in their day-to-day lives together. People in a happy relationship donâ€™t just set their lives on cruise control expecting things to be great all of the time; they make little bits of effort daily. And overtime, these efforts will accumulate and make a big difference.
Sometimes relationship is like that bank account you intend to grow for a future purpose; the one you will make conscious and constant effort to deposit money in it daily, weekly or monthly. Same way you should make an effort every day to deposit at least one act of thoughtfulness into your relationshipâ€™s bank account. Your goal, however, should not be to make a huge withdrawal at the end of the week/year. Your only goal should be to keep giving the things your relationship wants, to make them habits, to make them permanent, so that your relationship will stay happy.
So, let us look at these 10 habits of a happy relationship and see if your relationship has them; if not, strive to personalize the habits in your own relationship and in no time, you will create a strong, happy and nurturing relationship that is going somewhere good.
SETTLE DISPUTES PEACEFULLY
I have to make this the first one, because naturally disputes, mostly are responsible for the failure of most relationships. Disputes will always come especially at the early stages, and if anyone ever told you to break up once there is any slight dispute, the person is either your enemy or he/she wants your partner; either way, such person is wrong. Sometimes, most young people have a smooth relationship and they are tempted to ask themselves where this person had been all their life. But, before they know it, they have a big fight, their first fight, and then they gradually go separate ways or they stop believing in each other and in their love; and then the love dies a natural death. But there is a way to deal with disputes especially when you are over the â€˜firstâ€™ one, which in my experience is always â€˜hugeâ€™. In a happy relationship, you will surely feel anger when there is dispute, but then you have to avoid saying or yelling words you canâ€™t take back, even if one partner says some hurtful words, the other one should NOT look for more hurtful things to say. Instead have a planned agreement that you each will back away whenever there is dispute and talk about things later when the situation is calmer.
SPEND QUALITY TIME TOGETHER
Making time for each other is not negotiable in a happy relationship. With our busy schedules we often forget to relax and enjoy the company of our partner. Ignoring your partner because you are busy often hurts more than angry words. So if you can, carve out special time for just the two of you once a week, except you are living in different cities or country for the time being. But even at that, you can stay on touch regularly with the help of technology. And anytime you are in the same location, maximize the time and donâ€™t allow any other thing to be more important than your relationship.
APPRECIATE AND HELP EACH OTHER GROW
Learn to appreciation your partner openly and honestly. This leads to a productive, fulfilling and peaceful union. Cheer for their victories. Celebrate their accomplishments, and encourage their goals and ambitions. And if they are not doing enough in their field, challenge them to be the best they can be.
INTEGRITY IS IMPORTANT
You must be able to trust each other and know you are not being used or taken advantage of. Â If you constantly suspect your partner is using you to achieve some personal goals, then there wonâ€™t be inner peace and security in that relationship. And trust me it will be far from being a happy one. Remember that lies fester, but the truth heals. So, live daily with fairness, integrity and reliability with one another.
BE LOYAL AND DEVOTED
True love is not about being inseparable or being in the same location at all times. True love means two people can be true to each other even when they are not in the same location. When it comes to relationships, remaining faithful is never an option, but a priority. Loyalty is everything.
LEND SUPPORT DURING THE GOOD TIMES AND BAD (ESPECIALLY BAD TIMES)
If you are only available when it is convenient, then you might want to take another look at your relationship. If you are in a loving relationship, you need to be there through the good, bad, happy, and sad times too. You need to trust that you can count on each other when things are not at the very best.
KNOW EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS DIFFERENT
Looking at that random couple whose relationship seems perfect and start comparing it with your own will only leave your relationship miserable. Every couple makes their own love rules, love agreements, and love habits. Just focus on you two, and make your relationship the best it can be!
TALK AND LISTEN
Your partner is not supposed to be a mind reader; he/she might not be able to figure out how you are feeling all the time. So, be specific and clear while communicating with your partner on what you want and make an effort to make your partner open up about what they want as well. The trick is, talk and listen.
TURN NEGATIVES INTO POSITIVES
Problems in a relationship can be broken down into bits and pieces. And if youâ€™re both honest with each other and within yourselves, you can logically look at the negatives and turn them into positives, as long as you both want the relationship. Work together as a team to tackle each negative one by one, and you are on your way to having a happy relationship.
Forget what you see in the movies or on television, a happy relationship isnâ€™t anything like that. No relationship is full of non-stop romance, regular great sex, candlelight dinners and whirlwind trips to exotic locations. Real relationship takes effort, time and commitment. A happy relationship doesnâ€™t just happen because two people love each very much, it happens because not only do two people love each other very much, they also value one another and are willing to make an investment of time and energy into the partnership thereby building a happy relationship â€“ day after day.
So, is your relationship having few or all of these habits? Well you can even do more and continue to stay happy. But if your relationship does not have any of the habits listed above, you might want to take another look at it, and work on it because we all deserve to be happy in our relationships. Stay Safe.
This article was written for Ynaija. Chris Bamidele is an accomplished writer and blogger. He blogs fromÂ http://chrisbamidele.wordpress.com